"And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads: And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six."

Revelation 13:16-18

"Religious distress is at the same time the expression of the real distress and also the protest against real distress. Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, just as it is the spirit of the spiritless condition. It is the opium of the people."

Karl Marx

Weird theory #47: Islamic women can do kinky things with their ankles. That's why the Koran says they aren't supposed to reveal them in public.

Let Jesus be your anchor! So when Satan rocks your boat, throw Jesus overboard!

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.

Bertrand Russell

The Israelites were all waiting anxiously at the foot of the mountain, knowing that Moses had had a tough day negotiating with God. Finally a tired Moses came into sight. "I've got some good news and some bad news, folks," he said. "The good news is that I got Him down to ten. The bad news is that adultery's still in."

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.

P.J. O'Rourke

While traveling near Tampa, Florida I passed the "Jehovah's Witness Assembly Hall" and was struck by the fact that that must be where they make them.

A "Frisbeterian" believes that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof, and you can't get it back down.

Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?

Jules Feiffer

Once there was a time when all people believed in God and the church ruled. This time is called the Dark Ages.

Taoism: Shit happens
Hare krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Ding
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Islanm: That shit happens is the will of Allah
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit is
Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit?
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens"
7th day Adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder
Protestantism: If shit happens, it happens to someone else
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it
Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock, knock, "Shit happens"
Jehovah's Witnesses: No shit happens until Armageddon
Unitarian: What is this shit?
Mormon: Shit happens again & again & again
Judaism: Oy vey! Why does this shit always happen to us?
Pentecostalism: Praise the shit!
Atheism: There is no shit!
New Age: Shit happens and it happens to smell good
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit

Shit Happens, in various World Religions

Cause you're the killers, you're the demons and you know that! Your music, rock 'n roll is a satanic... music! If you make the music go back you hear Satan speaking!

Unknown preacher, sampled by Faith no More and Midfield

"Certain teachings in the Bible are as diamonds in a dung-heap".

Thomas Jefferson

Preach the Gospel at all times, and if necessary, use words.

St. Francis of Assisi

Never in the world does hatred cease by hatred; hatred ceases by love.

Buddha

Let us live most happily, free from hatred in the midst of the hateful; Let us remain free from hatred in the midst of people who hate.

Buddha

Do not look at the faults of what others have done or not done; observe what you yourself have done or not done.

Buddha

"As long as the prerequisite for that shining paradise is ignorance, bigotry, and hate... I say the hell with it."

"Inherit the Wind" (which pitted the teaching of evolution against creationism)

It is alleged by men of loose principles , or defective views of the subject, that religion and morality are not necessary or important qualifications for political station. When a citizen gives his vote to a man of immorality , he abuses his civic responsibility. He sacrifices not only his own interest but that of his neighbor, and he betrays the interest of his country.

Noah Webster