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That female looks capable of passing on my genetic material.
The Onion
I prefer to describe my profession as that of a "Contemporary
Anthropological Interactive Observer" because it has just the right
amount of flair. Besides, "stalker" is such an ugly word.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it
considered a hostage situation?
For Sale: One Parachute.
Used Once.
Never Opened.
Slightly Stained.
Roses are red
Violets are Blue
I'm a schizofrenic
and so am I
Brett Collson
If a big man with huge muscles kicks in your door and screams
"Everyone get on the ground!!" you then have 3 options. Stand
there frozen, get on the ground, or scream back at him; "Maybe next
time when you break into my house, you can knock first! That way, I can
put my pants on and wipe my ass!!"
JD Walnut (?)
I am Dislexic of Borg. Resistance is Futile. Prepare to have your ass
laminated.
Chris
"If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the
enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think
how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real
grenade at them."
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
Warning: keep out of children.
Korean kitchen knife instructions
Not to be used for the other use.
Japanese food processor instructions
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
"How's life treating you, Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."
Norm Peterson, "Cheers"
"Women. Can't live with 'em ... pass the beer nuts."
Norm Peterson, "Cheers"
The total of bad luck in the universe is a constant.
A friendly mail
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
God gave man both a penis and a brain, unfortunately he didn't give
enough blood supply to run to both at the same time.
Memorize quotes. They're useful in ending and winning arguments. Then
again, so are semi-automatic weapons.
Tony Detharidge
The world is nothing but a vast concerted attempt to catch you with
your pants down!
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