If necessity is the mother of invention. Then laziness must be the father.

Troy D. Bryan

While money can't buy love, It can buy a damn good imitation.

Everyone has the right to be ugly, but some people abuse the privilege.

Please don't throw toothpicks in the toilet... Crabs can pole vault.

Bathroom wall

Reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about.

Chandler, "Friends"

Life sucks then you marry a bitch who doesn't.

Teamwork: A chance to blame someone else.

Devils Dictionary

Contrary to popular belief, life is like being thrown into a bed of roses. You get to smell the roses and feel the thorns.

Females do pursue me, if you count mosquitoes.

You don't have to conform to the values of your peers. It gets pretty boring sitting home every night though.

Getting the most out of life is like a strangling a turd. The more you try to squeeze out of it, the more just oozes between your fingers.

A random thought from ViX44

Friends help friends move... REAL friends help friends move bodies.

If this magazine was on fire, I wouldn't even piss on it.

A letter from an angry reader after a decision by a gaming magazine to turn 100% Sega

I still miss my ex, but my aim is improving

Slayer

Everyone is avoiding me except all those who are following me.

Paranoid

If we're alone in the universe, it's an awful waste of space.

"Contact"

"When you think that bad things only happen to the other guy, remember that to everyone else in the world, you are the other guy."

Thomas R. MacKay

Whether or not life is discovered there, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet.

Deep Thoughts

"Control your life through insanity."

Cliff Burton of Metallica

If you ever catch fire, try to avoid looking into a mirror, because it might throw you into a panic.

Tracey