Black Humor 13

Cool Quotes Collection
Black Humor

Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but so would an 80lbs. carrot.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he will spend all day in a boat drinking beer.

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

"It is better to be pissed off than pissed on."

"Sometimes you are the dog and sometimes you are the hydrant."

When money talks, nobody pays any attention to the grammar.

Just when you think you've hit rock bottom, someone goes and throws you a shovel.

"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues."

Abraham Lincoln

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.

I smile because I don't know what's going on.

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

For sale

Fate sucks. I swear.

Drugstore Cowboy

"We're all fucked. It helps to remember that."

George Carlin