Black Humor 12

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Black Humor

Open-minded people must accept the possibility that being closed-minded is better. Close-minded people can take comfort in knowing that they are right.

Steve W.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

P.J. O'Rourke

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me instead."

Bobcat Goldthwait

"Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups."

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.

John Kenneth Galbraith, printed in Money magazine the week after JFK Jr.'s death

Save a tree... Eat a beaver

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters whether I win or lose.

Laura, a good friend of mine, pointed out to me recently that half of humanity has an IQ of less than 100. Facts like that tend to draw things into sharp focus quickly. Keep it in mind. (mail and thank him)

Harvey Rowe

Mmm... caffeine pills. The midnight snack of champions.

Hawkeye Pierce

History repeats itself. It has to, no-one listens.

One time I was talking to a guy who thought that a Freudian slip was something that his mother wore under her dress. I did not bother to correct him.

B. T. Slack

I've learned- that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do, is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

When I was growing up, all my friends wanted to have sex with anything that moved. Why limit yourself, I told them.

Emo Phillips

Fifty per cent of all marriages end in divorce. But look at the bright side: the other 50 per cent end in death.

Richard Jeni

My parents saw the president they loved get shot in the head. I saw my president get head.

Elon Gold

I choose to live forever, or die trying too.

CrabulaS

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, pee in it, and serve it to the people that piss you off.

Deep Thoughts

I was shit scared of cyberspace, so I downloaded in my pants.

Stephen King's "Bag of bones"

The worst part of winning a rat race is not that you win, but the fact that you're still a rat.

Evil spelled backward is live