"This is not a court of Justice, young man, it is a court of Law!"

Oliver Holmes Jr., U.S. Supreme Court Justice

Run for office? No, I have slept with too many women, done too many drugs and been to too many parties.

George Clooney

When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Mark Twain

Smile. Tomorrow's going to be worse.

Frost

Life sucks -- get a helmet

M. Bender

The secret to life is that there is no secret at all and you don't get your money back.

Faith Hill Country Music Song

"Beauty is just a light switch away".

Nacole Alyshia Bua

Boy Scout: Kid dressed like an idiot led by an idiot who's dressed like a kid.

Devils Dictionary

A rebel with a cause is a hero; a rebel without one is stupid.

Jason Wells

Buy me another beer. Your still ugly.

John Helmer

"What women do to each other is beyond description. No Chinese torture comes close."

Tori Amos

Men are like tile floors, lay them down right the first time and you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.

Lisa Tarbox

Without this great land of ours, we would all drown.

Professor Irwin Corey (comedian)

Once I tried to kill myself with bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

Stephen Wright

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere is the fact that none of it has tried to contact us.

Calvin & Hobbes

Try to explain Hitler to a kid.

George Carlin

To the question "What do you tell people about yourself when you want to impress them?" "Hey I suck really good cock!"

Mike Patton (of Faith No More)

There Is No Gravity. The Earth Sucks.

Brett Easton Ellis, "The Rules of Attraction"

Here I sit with downcast glance,
tried to fart but shit my pants

Bathroom graffiti

He who goes to sleep with itchy ass, wakes up with smelly finger.

Chinese Proverb, or something