Cool Quotes Collection
Black Humor

If I only had enough vodka for two men and enough women for four, I would lead a very happy life.

Dimitry Patent

I opportunity does not knock, build a door.

Unknown & GI

Men are like fish. Neither would get into trouble if they only kept their mouths shut.

Anonymous

"Sleep... Those slices of death.... How I loathe them."

Edgar Allen Poe

Life is pain. Anybody that tells you differently is selling something.

William Goldman, "The princess bride"

"Veni Vidi Exii - I came, I saw, I Left!"

Chuck Eby

If a turtle loses his shell is he naked or homeless.

Jameson Forney

Profanity is the crutch of inarticulate motherf**ckers.

Graffiti on bathroom wall at UAH

I I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

From the book of bad pickup-lines

Mans greatest inventions were touted to save mankind time and allow him to make more money. Today we work longer, make more money, keep less of it. But I am told tomorrow will be better.

Young man from the 60's

If voting could change something, it would be illegal.

Graffiti on a Montreal building

Life is like a prick. When its hard you get fucked. When its soft you cant beat it.

H.C. Friedman

Earth First! We'll strip mine the other planets later.

Bumpersticker

Love is a perky little elf dancing a merry little jig and then, suddenly, he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.

Matt Groening, creator of the Simpsons

Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit!

Bumper sticker

Ninety percent of everything is crap.

Theodore Sturgeon

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles- watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.

David Letterman

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Steven Wright

Las Vegas is a town built on bad math.

Penn of Penn & Teller

Magic [embodies] the concept of lying turned into an art form.

Teller of Penn & Teller

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