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There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore
like an idiot.
Steven Wright
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and
years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the
worst movies in the history of the world.
Dave Barry
It's hard to argue with the government. Remember, they run the Bureau
of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about
satisfying women.
Scott Adams
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and
give the wrong answers.
A Bit of Fry and Laurie
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain,
involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The
hypothalamus controls the "Four F's":
- fighting;
- fleeing;
- feeding; and
- mating.
Psychology professor in
neuropsychology intro course
What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit,
to do the unnecessary.
Richard Harkness
The New York Times 1960
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because
I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.
William James
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes
hurtling down the highway.
Andrew Tannenbaum
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the
streets?
Dick Cavett
mocking the TV-violence debate
I am sick unto death of obscure English towns that exist seemingly for
the sole accommodation of these so-called limerick writers -- and even
sicker of their residents, all of whom suffer from physical deformities
and spend their time dismembering relatives at fancy dress balls.
Editor of the Limerick Times
(Limerick, Ireland)
When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
("When cryptography is outlawed
only outlaws will have cryptography")
Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which
I disapprove.
Ashleigh Brilliant
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think
Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
- Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
- Advising the President.
- Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
David Letterman
An Animated Cartoon Theology:
- People are animals.
- The body is mortal and subject to incredible pain.
- Life is antagonistic to the living.
- The flesh can be sawed, crushed, frozen, stretched, burned, bombed,
and plucked for music.
- The dumb are abused by the smart and the smart destroyed by their
own cunning.
- The small are tortured by the large and the large destroyed by their
own momentum.
- We are able to walk on air, but only as long as our illusion
supports us.
E. L. Doctorow
"The Book of Daniel"
Swedens previous Minister of Justice amused the Americans on her visit.
Her name is Gun Hellsvik, pronounced "gun hells week".
Ronny Eriksson
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Stupidest question of the month
www.stupidquest.com
The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we'll find their
money.
Mikael Pawlo
"You don't buy the drink here, you only rent it"
Toilet graffiti
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